Tamar Sautieva
Master of Social Work
I often think about the condition of women, gender equality, stereotypes in the society, encouraged abuse and sometimes, the feeling of helplessness overwhelms me.
Sometimes I keep all of this inside and I think about it a lot, but more often I speak about it out loud,
I talk about it with other people, I have disputes with them, I get angry, but I try to be constructive at the same time… to be more exact, I used to try to be more constructive…
A short while ago, a friend of mine recalled how there were doubts/rumors about a woman in her region that she was cheating on her husband, her husband killed her because of this and it seemed as if everybody understood why – because the arguments were “solid” – “What else would he do, if she cheated on him?!”, “He was unable to live with the humiliation”. They did not stop on this; they even had a medical examination conducted on the murdered woman and it turned out that she had had no sexual contact for a long period of time. It turned out that she was not even “guilty”. Afterwards, probably, there was silence, or maybe there was no silence, I do not know... I had a desire to run far away, or maybe I felt ashamed…
Recently I was stunned by the statistics on violence against women and shared it with one of my acquaintances; this person replied: “When a woman cheats on a man…” and I did not let this person finish; I was unable to remain calm and I told this person everything that I felt and thought on this subject.
The opinion of a considerable part of the society is exactly in line with the above noted – a woman is guilty, the violence can be explained and it is even acceptable – “He is not mad and would not beat her up for nothing”, “She deserves it”, “Women have become so disrespectful that they no longer know their place” – we have all heard similar phrases and we keep them somewhere in our brain willingly or unwillingly…
According to the international statistics, 1 out of every 3 women is a victim of abuse. The problem of abuse is urgent in Georgia as well (1 in every 7 women is a victim of abuse); the urgency of the problem is underlined by the number of women who were killed in recent years and we have already gotten used to it all – to belated response, to the lack of intervention as this is “family business”, non-existence of preventive mechanisms, searching for “reasons”… Moreover, we have gotten used to blaming the victim: “Why didn’t she leave if somebody was abusing her?”, “Why did she return to him?”, “Why didn’t she say something?”, “Why doesn’t she address the police?”, and the numerous other “why”-s.
Sometimes even we, the professionals, fall under the influence of certain stereotypes and are unable to understand our beneficiary, especially when we have used up all the existing resources at hand, we have done everything to empower the service user and to support her independent functioning – but she still returns to her abusive husband.
I think that in such cases the following aspects are very important: professional supervision, talking with colleagues, analyzing the importance of non-judgmental attitude and at some times, even taking time out to understand that the victim’s behavior may be caused by numerous factors: emotional attachment, financial condition, fear of independence or revenge, etc. In such cases, it is important for the professional to free him/herself from the stereotypes, as a social worker is, by essence, a supporter, someone who does not judge, who tries to understand and shows possibilities. But making a choice is always the beneficiary’s job whether we like the informed choice made by the victim or not; we should accept this choice without criticism. It is difficult to fight the existing stereotypes; I admit that it is sometimes difficult for me too, but I am empowered by women who fight for their rights, for their voice, for equality – these are the women who are free. We encounter these women everywhere: in our practice, in the neighborhood, in the family, in the street… I was raised by such a woman – by my mother who cannot put up with injustice and who fights every day. Sometimes she wins, sometimes she loses, but she fights and she has taught me this fight as well – the fight not only for my own rights, but to support other women as well who do not/cannot speak up.
I believe that women like my mother change the reality and that all of us can build a space where there is no place for violence!
